Dear Knight in Shining Two Tons of Steel

riding_a_bicycle_311140

I was unconscious. Just below Mulholland Drive, on the forty-plus-mile-per-hour descent of Beverly Glen, a furtive pothole induced a slow-motion somersault over my bicycle handlebars. A debatable number of minutes later, the curious paramedic tested my basic math skills by thrusting incalculable fingers in my face in the back of his ambulance. There was blood dripping from my helmet and my inability to speak or answer simple questions resulted in uncontrollable giggling. Subsequent to a hospital road-rash body check and sponge bath, x-rays and CT Scans, eight stitches to my left auricle and zero change in my ongoing headache, despite two doses of Vicodin, my date took me home. Escorting me from the emergency room to my front door in a taxi, followed by a treacherous walk home in his cleats was probably not exactly what he had in mind.  Continue reading

Let’s Talk About Sex, Mommy

Gustav Klimt ~ The Kiss

“Mommy, what’s an erection?”

Morgan was six, Wendy was four and I was pregnant with Thomas. Morgan’s questions were detailed and specific, including a demand for information on just how, exactly, that baby got in my tummy. I explained that for her baby brother to reside in my tummy would have required an act of cannibalism, but an act of sex was what landed him in my uterus.  Continue reading

Mr. Hulot

Jacques_Tati

Long, long ago, when VHS, DVD, DVR and video streaming lay cogitating in the brains of their inventors, Jacques Tati’s Mr. Hulot’s Holiday appeared on the TV Guide’s weekend schedule. Dad fidgeted at the dinner table, counting down as he anxiously anticipated herding us to the couch in front of the television. Attendance was mandatory.  Continue reading